Healing After Pet Loss; What Is Helping Me

Sophie was the love of my life. I remember the day she came home. Thirteen years, five months and 4 days later, she was gone. Healing after pet loss is tough, we know this. And, there are things I’m doing that are helping me. I want to share them with you, in case they can help you, too.

Getting some homeopathic help

 

When Sophie died here in the house in my arms, to a certain degree, I was so shell shocked, I went through the motions of cleaning her, making arrangements for her cremation, taking her there and then comforting my other dog, Anabelle and cat, Suki. I cried and was also a bit numb. Quickly, a heaviness and depression set in. I knew I needed to grieve, but I didn’t want to go down into the well. If I went down there, it would be very hard to lift myself out.

So, as I wrote in my previous post, I reached for homeopathic help. Ignatia is a wonderful remedy that works for many people who are grieving. After taking three doses over the course of three mornings, I felt lighter and better able to handle my grief.

Going back to the beginning…

 

Over the next few days, I started going back to the beginning, which has been really helpful. I’ve been revisiting the stages of Sophie’s life, bringing up memories that make me smile, laugh and cry. At five months, she flew with us to Paris…twice! She went to my nephew, Michael’s, wedding in Barcelona. She brought such joy into our lives; we took her everywhere. And, there are so many memories to tap into.

Like how she came into our lives…

It all started with discovering the Portuguese Podengo Pequeno

 

What the heck is a Portuguese Podengo? Back in 2009, we’d heard of a Portuguese Water Dog; President Obama took care of that. But a Podengo? So, when Stanley and I decided we were ready to add a dog into our lives after seven years since my beautiful German Shepherd, India, passed, we took advantage of the first Meet The Breeds event at the Javit’s Center in New York City. It was a new thing the Westminster Kennel Club was adding to the festivities of the internationally famous Westminster Dog Show and had launched just a couple of days before.

The different breeds were presented alphabetically and when we got to the “P’s,” a table with scruffy pups caught Stanley’s eye. Stanley loved scruff. We strolled over and met the woman who not only would introduce us to this as-yet-unregistered breed (they were formally added to the AKC in 2012), but would become a good friend. Her name was Marilyn Piurek. Marilyn had brought the first Portuguese Podengo Pequeno into the U.S., began showing them a couple of years before and had four or five of her own. We met a couple of them that day and thought they were the most charming, adorable creatures. Back then, we hadn’t yet been educated on how many dogs and cats were abandoned to the shelter system and all the dogs I’d had growing up were from breeders; reputable ones, but breeders, nonetheless.

We left Meet The Breeds with Marilyn’s number and a pretty good idea we were going to get a Podengo. Marilyn didn’t breed, so she suggested we contact Betty Judge, her counterpart in England, who’d brought the first Portuguese Podengo Pequeno into that country.

After going back and forth with Betty via email and whittling down which puppy she was willing to sell to us (she showed her Podengos and was particular about who she wanted to keep), we finally all agreed this little munchkin, shown below, would be THE ONE.  From this photo alone, the name Sophie rolled off my tongue.

 

 

Stanley and I made plans to travel to England for his son and mom’s birthdays, days apart, in May of 2010. We were going to make it an extended family trip, and my daughter, Morgan, was going to join. We’d meet up with his son and daughter and his siblings over there, celebrate and then pick Sophie up.

A couple of days before we were to leave, Morgan had been having headaches. She was working at the television network Bravo, at the time, and went to the NBC medical office (Bravo was owned by NBC then). They did an MRA and determined it looked like she had an aneurism in her brain. When I found out, after freaking out, Morgan and I of course canceled going to England and with her father, Burt, set an appointment with a neurologist in the city. Stanley chose to go on the trip, but stay a shorter time than planned, and celebrate with his son. I sent Stanley off with a list of questions for Betty Judge about Sophie, and we agreed Stanley would call me from Betty’s farm, which was nearby where his son lived in Oxfordshire.

The great news is when we saw the neurologist and he did a more sophisticated test, he quickly saw that what looked like it could be an aneurism on the MRA was, in fact, just a kink in a blood vessel Morgan was probably born with and nothing to worry about. After a big sigh of relief from us all, I got the call the next morning from Stanley, got my questions answered and a couple of days later, Sophie’s journey began. And, what a journey it was!

Sophie’s Long Journey Home

 

On the afternoon of May 4th, Stanley drove up from London after work to Betty’s and picked up Sophie. He drove her to his son Charlie’s house, nearby, where they hung out until about 10pm. Now, they had to make their way to the ferry that would take them from Dover, England to Calais, France. Why were they driving for hours to go into France?

Because then and still now, flying into or out of England, pets are not allowed in the cabin. The U.K. has probably the strictest laws about bringing animals into the country because of antiquated laws surrounding rabies. We knew from the start, there was no way Sophie would fly home to us under the plane; we wouldn’t do that no matter what animal it was. But Sophie was 3.5 lbs; a tiny baby and she had to be not only in the cabin, but on an airplane where she could be nestled on her daddy’s chest all the way home.

So, Stanley set out that night with Sophie in her little carrier from Betty next to him on the passenger’s seat; one hand on the wheel, the other inside the crate comforting her.

They arrived at the ferry close to 1am, boarded and started the one and a half hour journey to Calais, France, where they would then drive down to Paris. By the time they reached the Orly airport, it was 5am and both dog and dad were exhausted.

The cool thing is, back then, there was an airline called L’Avion, owned by British Airways, that was all business class; the whole plane. Stanley worked for a big financial services institution back then and flew business class around the world. So, we were fortunate enough to be able to do that with Sophie. After spending time in the Lounge, where photos Stanley sent me showed a worse for wear little Sophie, they boarded the flight for the U.S.. A lovely flight attendant, a short while in, suggested Stanley move to the back of the plane with Sophie, where he put her, yep, on his chest under a blanket, where she stayed for the duration of the flight.

 

At 2pm the following day – May 5, 2010 – my doorbell rang and I remember it like it was yesterday. There stood Stanley, holding Sophie, who looked like a scared, confused tiny pup. I held out my arms even before Stanley could walk into our apartment, Stanley gave her to me, and that started a long love affair we both had with this little dog.

 

 

My Houseguest

 

Less than a week after Sophie passed, a scheduled houseguest arrived and it turned out to be a great healing opportunity. Dr. Christina Chambreau is a retired homeopathic vet. We became friends through Holistic Actions!, a wonderful platform I belong to started by Dr. Jeff Feinman, an integrative vet who also uses homeopathy. It is a place for pet parents to get answers and learn natural tools to help their animals. Christina and I had connected at Global Pet Expo a couple of years ago and that started a dinner partners tradition.

Having Christina here for a couple of days was a good thing. We talked about Sophie; talked about her care; the homeopathy I researched and tried. Sophie’s homeopathic vet, Dr. Adriana Sagrera, is a friend of Christina’s and that’s how I met Dr. Sagrera. Being able to talk medicine and holistic healing with a vet, an expert and hear from her that what we did for Sophie was everything we could, and even that how she died was quick, because I have felt pangs about how long and did she suffer. This was all very helpful to me.

Visiting Sophie’s stomping grounds…

 

I flew to New York City last week for a special dinner event around a beautiful mission I’m a part of called Empower GenZ, to help our largest generation with their epidemic levels of depression, anxiety and high suicide rates. While I was only there for two days, it presented a powerful opportunity for healing.

I visited the places we spent a lot of time with Sophie, the places she called home. I went to my old apartment building in Chelsea, where I opened that door back in 2010 to my new puppy. I saw two of the doormen I really like, still there – Asip and Al – got to give them big hugs and they took this picture.

 

I went a couple of blocks up to FIT (Fashion Institute of Technology), where Stanley and I must’ve walked Sophie a hundred times or more over the course of the four and a half years Sophie lived in NYC. When it rained or snowed, FIT had scaffolding around the building for a couple of years. Sophie refused to go out in the rain or snow, so one of us would carry her under a big umbrella to that scaffolding, place her under it and walk her until she did her business. This was a regular occurrence in our household. It was always Sophie’s world and we were just living in it. I know many of you can relate with your babies, right?

Walking that block on 27th Street between 7th and 8th Avenues triggered a lot of tears. I saw her everywhere; running down the length of walkway from the front doors of FIT to 8th Avenue, where the school guards used to yell at me for allowing Sophie up there. The grates she insisted on peeing on. The stone flowerbeds she’d jump up onto and survey the street. I took it all in and, as I did, I had a deep, cathartic cry. I was taking video, too, talking through my experience and sending them to Stanley in England, sharing these memories with him. For those who don’t know, Stanley and I split up during the summer of 2022 after 20 years together, and he moved back to the U.K. We’ve stayed in pretty close contact because we share fur babies and Jasper is now living the good life in the English countryside with Stanley (that’s a story for another time). And, Stanley has gone through this journey with me around Sophie’s illness. So, it was natural to be sharing tears and memories together now. This is one of those videos, difficult to share yet very much where I was in that moment, on that walkway I mentioned at FIT.

 

 

Nina and Holly

 

One day, while walking Sophie back in 2011 in our Chelsea neighborhood, we met a cute black and white Havanese dog named Holly. When you live in NYC with a dog, you meet a lot of other dogs and their people. It’s a very dog social environment, and dogs go everywhere with their people. When Sophie was a puppy, I had retired from my pr business the year before. For that very short time, I had free time! I would walk Sophie all over the city. We’d visit galleries, go shopping, go to lunch and out to dinner with her dad. She had a very stimulating life. And, that’s how Nina and I met. Sophie was one; Holly was six months. Nina and I got to talking on that walk and discovered we lived around the corner from each other.

At that time, I was in the early months of my luxury dog coat and accessories brand, Couture by Sophie. Soph was my muse (even though she hated the camera and would turn away from us whenever we tried to take her picture). When Nina heard what I did, she pulled out this very pretty grey glove with a fur pom pom on it and asked, “Do you think you could make me one of these?” She’d lost a single glove, something those of us who’ve experienced this know drives us crazy, especially when the gloves are favorites. While I couldn’t, it began a friendship that’s lasted thirteen years. Holly had many playdates at our apartment; she became a Couture by Sophie model; Nina and Holly came to visit us in Florida a couple of times and we had many, many adventures in New York.

 

So, when I rang her doorbell to drop my bags (I was staying over my second night there), as I saw Nina and Holly for the first time since 2019,  and Holly gave me a hero’s welcome, I broke down hard. I sobbed as soon as I walked in; poor Nina, but she was great and hugged me, Holly gave me tons of kisses, and it was another cathartic moment. I was processing my grief.

(On a trip to NYC in July, 2017, Sophie and Holly were re-united after 2 years. Here, they’re playing on our hotel bed)

 

 

Over the next 24 hours, I got a lot of loving from Nina and Holly and that felt really good. Now, I’m back home. There’s an emptiness in the house, a hole in my heart and tears still flow at unexpected times. Tonight, as I thought about what I wanted to write next on the blog, it dawned on me that many people go through what I’m going through right now. And, while everyone processes their grief in their own way, sharing mine was what I needed right now, and what has been helping me might help someone else. I hope it does.

❤️  Sophie, February 2, 2010 – October 9, 2023

To their best health ever –

Jody